In 2011, each week 10 judges will review two short synopses from films that are currently in development.
The objective is to all (that includes us judges) learn from the exercise.
Please comment on our comments!
photo credit: swanksalot
If you have an opinion on any of these synopses or the feedback from the judges, please share it with us in the comments below.
Please keep the discussion constructive. Even if your first instinct may be subjective, try to give us as objective a reply as possible.
HIROSHIMA
“In 1946, Australian soldiers and nurses enter the ruined city of Hiroshima to take their place in the occupation of Japan. Many of them carry revenge in their hearts for the war-time atrocities of the Japanese army. But in the ashes of Hiroshima, as a damaged human society goes about the task of re-inventing and renewing itself, young people from opposing sides are falling in love.”
The judges’ votes:
Do you want to see this film?
Yes: 20% – No: 50% – Not sure: 30%
Would Australians want to see it?
Yes: 30% – No: 0% – Not sure: 70%
Would it work in rest of the world?
Yes: 20% – No: 30% – Not sure: 50%
The judges’ verdict:
Nina: My first question is how many stories will we have to follow? It would be more interesting to follow one main character with a specific goal whose story weaves through the subplots of the other characters, with perhaps one of these other characters as the antagonist. My second question is do they all fall in love? Is this the goal of all the characters – to find love? I would suggest the synopsis be more specific in order to describe the central story.
There’s definitely potential for a great film here but this logline needs to be more specific
Dan: There’s definitely potential for a great film here but this logline needs to be more specific to offer a glimpse of what that film will concretely be. As written, it’s a general post-war love story, but a more detail-driven logline, highlighting characters and their stories, would work better to elevate interest in this film.
It would be more interesting to follow one main character with a specific goal whose story weaves through the subplots of the other characters
Steven: Great setting, but no clear sense of who the key characters are going to be. Apart from being some Romeo & Juliet story amongst ashes and rubble, what will this film offer to the viewer? At a minimum, tell us specifics about each of the two “opposing sides” lovers and the person who most stands between them. Give us three specific characters and then we may care.
THE JUNGLE
“In 1988, an Australian family relocates to Papua New Guinea after the death of its youngest member. In this hot, humid climate, in the wake of their collective grief, family loyalties become as tangled as the jungle that encroaches on the barbed wire of their gated community.”
The judges’ votes:
Do you want to see this film?
Yes: 30% – No: 50% – Not sure: 20 %
Would Australians want to see it?
Yes: 0% – No: 20% – Not sure: 80%
Would it work in rest of the world?
Yes: 0 % – No: 50% – Not sure: 50%
The judges’ verdict:
Margaret: This just sets up the circumstances of the characters lives, but then doesn’t say anything about what actually happens to them. It’s not even clear if one member of the family is the protagonist or if the plot focuses on all of them. This sounds much more like the set-up for a TV drama or soap opera than the plot of a feature film.
This sounds much more like the set-up for a TV drama or soap opera than the plot of a feature film.
Dan: Good logline. It gives specific information about the main characters and holds lots of promise for inevitable conflict. I now want to know how this story will play out and that should be the ultimate goal for a logline. Due to the logline though, it does feel there’s a chance this film will be preachy. Perhaps removing the last line would lessen the tone of impeding didacticism and keep the focus on the strong characters and story.
It’s a great premise which could be terrific or terrible
Robin: It’s a great premise which could be terrific or terrible, depending on the script. But my first thought was, perhaps unfairly, ‘do I really want to see a sixth-form debate play at the movies?’
The Judges (click for details)
So what is your verdict? Would you want to see these films? Why (not)? Did the judges get it right? How would you improve the synopses/loglines and what do you feel might improve the stories behind them?
Please give us your opinion in the comments at the bottom of this page.
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